The Goddess Revolution

I am very, very excited to introduce you to this book.

As I leave, I want to be transparent and at the same time free myself from a vague shame: I found this book through a Facebook ad. That's right. The algorithms have understood me, I have no more secrets for them, I have fallen into the trap. But I'm starting to believe that sometimes it's a good thing, because without it, I might never have discovered The Goddess Revolution.

Context

I'm going to tell you some intimate things that I don't tend to tell people. But I believe more and more that it is necessary to talk about these things, because I am far from being the only one who has lived through this kind of experience. It's enough to be ashamed and suffer in silence!

Like about 99% of women, I don't have an obvious relationship with food and my weight. This wasn't always the case: during my childhood and up until about the age of 15, I didn't think about it. I ate to my heart's content, had no concept of good/bad foods, and had no idea what my weight was.

Then I had my first attack of ulcerative colitis. Eating suddenly became extremely painful, I rejected everything I ate, and I lost weight, I don't know how much. Then I was put on cortisone, a drug that is extremely effective and saved my life, but that had the side effect of increasing my appetite and causing water retention. I gained back all the weight I had lost, and more. I went from being "thin" to "a little plump". Still no problem, I wasn't sick anymore and it was fun to eat, life was good.

Then people started making comments. "Maybe you should start paying attention a little bit." "Your face used to look better." "You could try eating less bread, bread makes you fat."

So I decided to eat less and exercise more. The thing is, when I decide to take on a project, I don't go halfway. I started ignoring my hunger pangs and eating the minimum to survive. I started exercising and learning about nutrition on the internet (worst place to research when you don't know what you're doing, by the way). Soon, I was completely disconnected from my body. I didn't know if I was hungry or not. I pretty much only ate fruits and vegetables because it was "healthy", I said I wasn't hungry every time I went to a restaurant, and I weighed myself every day. I felt miserable, but it worked like hell. I lost all the weight I had gained back.

The comments changed. Some said I was too thin, that I needed to eat more. Others admired me, asked me how I was doing. I didn't know if I should be proud of my body or not.

One day, the doctors told me that if I lost another 2 pounds, they were going to feed me through a tube. I was cold all the time, I could feel my bones when I sat down, and I scared people. I finally said enough was enough, and decided to eat "normally."

It was a long and arduous process. But I've pretty much succeeded. I'm at a normal weight now, I know when I'm hungry and when I'm full, and people leave me relatively alone.

That said, am I at peace with my weight and food? No. I've recently become aware that I panic every time I gain a little or lose a little weight. I'm afraid of getting too skinny again and afraid of getting fat, so my solution is to control. I've never been on a diet because I know I don't have any weight to lose and because frankly it sounds horrible, but in reality, I worry all the time. I create rules in my head and am always calculating what is too much or too little food. I look liberated, but deep down I'm still in the same mental prison.

Summary

The Goddess Revolution is written by a normal girl, former actress and model, who for many years suffered from bulimia. She knows exactly what it's like to think about her weight all the time and try to control it in the hope of finally becoming "acceptable" and, therefore, happy. Her solution is not new: intuitive eating. Stop trying to control your weight. Get back in touch with your body and eat what you want. Dieting is the only thing we are not allowed to do.

Sometimes all it takes is for someone to present an idea to us in the right way for it to resonate. And this time, it resonated.

She begins by telling her own story, and more importantly, she shares all the thoughts she had about her body and food. And that's what's magical. Because these thoughts, when they are unconscious, direct our life. When they are put on paper in front of us, we first become aware of their existence, then of their absurdity.

Do you also tell yourself that if you lose 5-10 pounds, you can finally let go? Do you also weigh yourself every week or every day and let the number on the scale decide how you feel? Do you also tell yourself that you "slacked off" on the weekend but on Monday you'll get your act together?

Imagine all the mental energy you wasted on that. All the evenings with friends where you spent your time wondering if you looked pretty enough, thin enough. Regretting what you were eating. Wondering how you were going to make up for it the next day.

Horrible, horrible.

Instead, the author suggests that we throw our scales in the garbage (today, right now) and start seeing ourselves as a "goddess" (yes, it's quaint, but I admit I like it), calling our bodies "she", and asking ourselves what "she" needs. It commands respect, doesn't it? She proposes, basically, to regain a taste for life. To regain pleasure in cooking and eating. To move because you want to, not to burn calories. To find yourself beautiful.

I thought the message was wonderful. It was inspiring, and it put me in a great mood for two whole days. I really feel like I understood something. And I'm very excited about the possibilities that this new worldview can bring me.