The definition of true love in Le coeur sous le rouleau compresseur ("The Heart Under the Steamroller")
Lately, I've been really relaxing. The sunshine and warmth have returned, and I'm allowing myself to wander around and indulge in some crazy things... like buying a used book I'd never heard of, but that looked good, at the Bouquinerie du Plateau. I wasn't risking much, at $1. It wasn't until the last chapter that I learned that this was the second volume of a series. No big deal.
Gil tells his story. It begins when he is 9 years old. He came back from a hospital, the Résidence Home d'Enfants les Pâquerettes. He did "something" to Jessica, and since then his parents forbid him to see her. Obviously, if you've read the first volume (Quand j'avais cinq ans, je m'ai tué ("When I was five, I killed myself")), you know right away what Gil did to Jessica, but if not, you can only guess. And frankly, I prefer to guess.
Gil still goes to Jessica's house often, and puts presents under a tree. He stays there for hours, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Later, he tells her how often he thinks about her:
At night, I would fall asleep crying because I couldn't see you in my head anymore, couldn't see your face. I would punch myself in the head all night. I would punch my eyes out. It's funny, when you're little, you think that your eyes see. But your image never came back to me. My mother was embarrassed when she took me to the hairdresser. She didn't know how to explain all these bruises on my scalp."
But he won't see her again until much later, when he's 16 (his writing follows his age, quite well, by the way). He sees her through a crowd, and like in a slow motion movie, he sees only her, she turns around, they are alone in the world, he walks towards her as if in a dream, she takes his hand and they leave, no matter where. They meet again for a day, until she gets married to a lawyer the next day.
Gil is completely crazy about her. He wants to forget her, but she prevents him from doing so: she keeps sending him letters that end up "I will always love you". He becomes a psychiatrist and undergoes therapy himself to erase her from his life, so that she stops tormenting him. He changes his address, he doesn't answer the phone anymore, but nothing helps, she always finds a way to reach him. Decidedly, it is a painful history.
They will never forget each other. Gil's twisted mind found its double in Jessica. Their complicity is so complete that it gave me chills. Her total adoration is so naive and sincere that you want to cry.
I had my doubts at first. Once again, the Frenchy writing, which this time is really due to the translation, was getting on my nerves, and the "child" style of writing was weighing on me a bit: it's rare that it's well done, I have the impression that the children are portrayed as being dumber than they really are.
But my little irritation quickly dissipated. When the narrator reaches the age of 16, the style improves. And there really are some little gems in the book, both in the reflections and in the descriptions of the characters. By the end, I was moved.
Just because you don't hear about it doesn't mean it's not good.
Le coeur sous le rouleau compresseur
Howard Buten
14,95 $
