{"id":3754,"date":"2020-10-08T14:02:45","date_gmt":"2020-10-08T18:02:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/prochainelecture.com\/?p=3754"},"modified":"2022-01-02T17:57:10","modified_gmt":"2022-01-02T21:57:10","slug":"loving-what-is","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/prochainelecture.com\/en\/loving-what-is\/","title":{"rendered":"Loving What Is"},"content":{"rendered":"

The other day I woke up feeling as if someone was pressing on my chest with all their might. I had just had a very long and detailed dream of a meeting, 8 years later, with an old friend who decided to go on her way without me. I wanted to understand why she had left like that, and she refused to answer me. She stayed far away, even if I shook her by the shoulders and yelled at her. The frustration and despair I felt was not at all foreign to me. These are still the emotions I have when I think about her too much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But the reality is that she made it very clear that she didn't want to see me again, and her attitude is very consistent with her words. She left, and when I woke up way too early with all this emotional turmoil the other day, I decided it was past time I made peace with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I went and bought Loving What Is<\/em>by Byron Katie, who Brooke Castillo told me a lot about in her podcast. She was an absolutely major influence for her. She said that she was the one who allowed her to finally make peace with her past. She now understands that, as Byron Katie says, when you argue with reality, you lose... but only 100% of the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you argue with reality, you lose... but only 100% of the time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Two days later, I had finished it, and I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Summary<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Byron Katie says she \"woke up to reality\" in 1986. Her realization is rather banal: reality is what it is, and it doesn't care what we think about it. Our suffering comes from resisting it. To put it differently, it is our thoughts about reality that make us suffer, not reality itself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It sounds silly, but this concept, that our thoughts create our emotions and not reality itself, was completely foreign to me a year or two ago. I was sure that it was what was happening in my life that was making me unhappy, and I felt completely powerless, because my ability to change the world is extremely limited. This is a well-known fundamental reality, and most people I talk to about my discovery look at me like I'm retarded, but I don't know why, I didn't figure it out for myself. I had to learn it. That's what self-help books are for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can hurt me emotionally. That's my job.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Byron Katie has developed a simple model for deconstructing the thoughts that make us suffer. The easiest way is to start by applying it to people. Here's how it's done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, we sit down with a piece of paper and a pencil and answer the following questions, letting our inner resentful, unjust, etc., self run free. This is not the time to be an enlightened sage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

1- In this situation, who makes you suffer and why?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2- In this situation, how would you like the person to change? What would you like them to do?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

3- In this situation, what advice would you give them?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

4- What would you need this person to say, do, think or feel for you to be happy in this situation?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

5- What do you think of this person in this situation? (It is the time to be really mean<\/em>.)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

6- What is it about this situation that you never want to experience again?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then we take everything we've written, and go over it with these four questions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n