Pourquoi reste-t-on accroché à ce qui nous fait du mal? ("Why do we hold on to what hurts us?")
I have an eventful life. Day in and day out, people upset me, whether it's because I love them, or because they hurt me. And sometimes it's both at the same time. And I don't know about you, I don't know if I'm particularly sensitive, but when it happens to me, it just knocks me down.
A friend recommended this book to me when I called her on one of those occasions when someone I loved had hurt me. I immediately went to the library to get it.
This friend certainly had her opinion about the person who hurt me: the book is mostly about narcissistic perverts, and how they use the fragility of people who have the anxiety of being abandoned to manipulate them.
I'm still not convinced if I have abandonment anxiety or if the person in question is a narcissistic pervert. But it feels good to believe it, just for the time of a book. I got a certain satisfaction from reading about the symptoms of the narcissistic pervert, from digging for similar traits to the person who hurt me, and attributing them to him and thinking, "There! Why was he such a jerk." But of course, I'm not in his head, and I'll probably never know.
So I went through most of the book trying to decipher the language of a French psychoanalyst (from France). Nothing to do with my last Pierre Morency, so dazzlingly clear.
Here is an excerpt to give you an idea:
We have identified three major phases in the psychophysiological evolution of man and, at each of these phases, different types of anxiety. This representation is very practical and didactic. But as with any scaffolding, one must not forget to remove it as soon as the work is sufficiently advanced. Indeed, it seems that Man is not one thing in evolution but a multitude of interdependent strata, even if it seems that the following stratum is the same as the previous one which evolved
Until I came across this statement: it doesn't matter if the person is indeed a narcissistic pervert. You have to give yourself back your own power, and ask yourself the question, "Do I feel good about this person?" That's all I could have read, and it would have given me the same relief.
To really understand this book, it takes some mental effort. And I was probably so eager to comfort myself by reading about the infamous characteristics of the narcissistic pervert that I didn't bother to make that effort.
Mea culpa. If you read it, please give me a less subjective summary.
Pourquoi m’as-tu abandonné(e)? Sortir de l’angoisse d’abandon, cesser d’être victime
Jean-Charles Bouchoux
12,15 $
